Hearing the Six Longings of Today’s Adolescents
Adolescents are guided by something called egocentric abstraction. They see life through the limited lenses of self - interest and protection. So they say and do things that are actually deeper cries for help that they don’t even recognize themselves.
Both kids and adults can fall into communication styles that keep them from hearing each other. What they say is often different from what we hear, and both of these are usually different from what they mean.
What They Say |
What We Hear |
What They Mean |
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“ You don’t know me.” |
I don’t matter to her |
I long to belong |
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“You never listen to me.” |
He doesn’t want to listen to me |
I long to be taken seriously |
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“I can do it” |
She doesn’t need me. |
I long to matter |
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“ I’m fine, okay?” |
He wants to be left alone |
I long for a safe place |
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“It’s my life !” |
She doesn’t care what I think. |
I long to be uniquely me. |
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“Nobody cares about me.” |
He doesn’t care about anybody but himself ( me included) |
I long to be wanted |
Love is the answer
Our role and calling is to be the adult. Our job is to listen and look as deeply as we can to what is behind their words and underneath their behavior. Discipline, nurture and training require that we work hard to show compassion and to understand what adolescence feel, experience and mean.
